23 April 1981
It seems lonesome today without Bertha. I went to the Library in the afternoon. In the evening I had an appointment with the Stake Counselor Terry South. He wanted me to attend ten weeks of Stake Missionary meetings. I told him I would go but I came away from the interview very depressed. I felt that he felt I wasn’t handling my sorrow for Em very well. He told me some things I should do which is all well and good but he hasn’t lost a mate. It’s easy to give advice. I don’t need advice right now. I know what I have to do. I feel what I need more than anything right now is sympathy and understanding but it seems that all I get is one more thing to do to keep me busy. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I feel that I am handing my grief much better than I ever expected I could. I know it’s because of a loving Heavenly Father whose comforting spirit is over me and I am very grateful. I know the church people mean well but they don’t know how hard it is to just go along like nothing had happened. Sometimes I want to shout, “Just leave me alone for awhile.” But I guess that isn’t the answer either.
26 April 1981
Today is Sunday. I attended Sacrament Meeting and then went to the Stake Missionary meeting. It was a good meeting. However I came away feeling very inadequate. I suddenly felt very old and tired among all those young enthusiastic people. I hope I will be able to accomplish what the Bishop has called me to do.
30 April 1981
Have been doing a little yard work this week. Keeps me busy all the time to keep the weeds down and things looking half decent. Jay came for lunch today. We had a good visit. Went to the Library. Have been studying for my Relief Society lesson. Tuesday I did go to Mesa and visited with the girls. Did Marlene’s hair and discussed our Relief Society lesson with Madge.
3 May 1981
Today is Sunday. I went to all my meetings and gave my Relief Society lesson on “Patriarchs and Patriarchal Blessings.” I learned so much from this lesson and enjoyed reading the extra material. I felt the lesson could have gone better. I feel the sisters need time for testimonies and tried to give time today but the time wasn’t used. I felt badly.
5 May 1981
Today is Nancy’s birthday. Ted had an accident at work. Hot metal from a welding torch fell into a paint can and exploded. Flash fire. His face and neck were burned. His eyes were protected by goggles, his hair by a cap. Very upsetting. Don’t know how serious yet.
6 May 1981
Ted’s burns were mostly first and second degree. His ears and neck suffered most. He is very uncomfortable but it’s not too serious. We are very thankful. It could have been serious.
9 May 1981
Today is my Dad’s birthday he would have been 95 today. I miss him but am grateful he could go nine years ago quickly and without pain.
I went to Mesa today and visited with the children and their families. Ted’s burns are progressing. He is having to adjust to a new way of life for awhile. Hard to know what to do with himself. He is always busy with something. He is a little edgy not being able to do much. I had an enjoyable day.
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